IT Matters

Why is it so difficult to seek professional help when it comes to mental health concerns?

Why does suffering and enduring the pain, instead, become the option that is more doable and familiar?

Visiting a psychologist in order to talk about one’s emotional concerns and work through them may seem like a scary step that can pave the way to thoughts and emotions that we are probably not ready for. This is quite natural and understandable, because talking about emotional distress can be difficult. What makes it even more difficult is that we do not feel adequately supported in being able to tolerate that distress, the fear is perhaps of finding ourselves to be alone in our experience of our own emotional struggles and the despair that comes with it. 

These fears are real and valid. The realizations and the awareness that comes with emotional healing can help one look at one’s relationships differently, one realizes one’s needs even more, and one may be able to confront aspects about one’s life that were very easily overlooked before. Therapy or counselling helps individuals build an authentic connection both with their inner and their outer realities, and while this can be rewarding and deeply satisfying, the journey can be hard.

All our lives, right from our childhood years, very rarely are we encouraged to pay attention to our feeling states, because it always becomes about how we can control, minimize, silent a lot of our emotions, and never about knowing why we are feeling them, how expressing them is okay, and how that expression can be tolerated. This is why it always seems strange to talk about emotions openly, or it may feel like the most useless conversation in the world. It is the last thing that we will spend our money on, the last thing. Because that is how unimportant our emotional worlds have been made to feel. That is how unimportant we are made to feel. And it is this sense that we carry for a major part of our lives. 

Therefore, therapy becomes scary not only because we may have to confront a lot of our internal states but also because it helps us listen to our own voice, without it being interrupted, corrected, minimized or invalidated. It helps us listen deeply to ourselves, and while this process can be overwhelming, a therapist is also mindful of holding the individual through it, creating a safe space for them, working at a pace that is close to their internal experience. 

Even though most of us are not raised to believe that how we feel matters, it is okay to give it attention and listen to our internal worlds. Going for therapy may not always be about knowing ‘what is wrong’, as a therapeutic space can itself help one explore that. It is okay to trust ourselves even when we have a vague sense of something not being okay, to give it the attention it deserves, and to acknowledge where it pains. 

Sometimes psychological pain can show up in forms such as these:

1. Chronic bodily aches and pains
2. Difficulty in falling asleep/ excessive sleep
3. Fatigue
4. Not finding interest or meaning in activities that interested us before
5. Regular chores seem difficult/impossible to do
6. Constant fights and arguments with loved ones 
7. Difficulty in regulating difficult emotions such as anger, anxiety, and others

These are some signs that may indicate emotional distress, but there can be more. 

Only we can know our reasons the best; it is not for anybody else to decide when we should seek help, but for us to feel that we need support, and to know that it is okay to feel the same. 

Varsha KV
Co-founder and Counseling Psychologist
Beyond Words